My Saving Grace
by ThexHushxSound
Summary: She told him she was shattered, and she could never put herself back together again because she was missing too many pieces. He told her he was shattered too, only he didn't have any pieces left at all.


**Authors Note:**** Basically it's a bunch of different plots parts from a story I'm thinking of writing. I put them together so they make their own story. Takes place roughly a year before AC. Let me know what you think!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing Final Fantasy related. Square-Enix has that wonderful privilege. However, I do own CJ, my OC

* * *

Landscape blurred past as the blonde man sped toward his destination-a train station on the outskirts of Midgar. He thought back to the last time he'd been at a train station. He'd been meeting up with AVALANCHE for the first time to blow up a mako reactor. Smirking at the thought, Cloud slowed down when he reached the platform. He dismounted his bike and leaned against it, arms crossed as he waited for a specific passenger to disembark the train. Just when he was starting to worry, he saw her walk—well, stumble really, off the train, struggling with the messenger bag slung around her shoulder. She looked up, scanning the thinning crowd, grinning when she saw him and waved cheerily as she made her way off the platform. When she reached his bike, she dropped her bag on the ground and promptly threw her arms around him in a suffocating embrace.

"Hey! Sorry I took so long, I was sitting in the back and had a few…technical difficulties…" She said breathlessly, her voice trailing off

Cloud managed to escape her crushing grip and shrugged.

"Nothing new."

The girl huffed and pushed some of her reddish brown hair out of her hazel eyes.

"It's not my fault that the floor attacks me."

Cloud rolled his eyes, picking her bag up off the floor and shouldering it.

"Always good to have you back, Ceej."

"I'm going to pretend that wasn't sarcasm." She bit back dryly, eyeing Cloud as he got on his bike and revved the engine, turning to look at her expectantly.

"Are you getting on?"

"Do I have too?" She asked, warily

"Do you want to walk there?"

She weighed the options. Risk life on a metal deathtrap? Or risk life walking back to Tifa's bar? Slowly, she climbed on behind Cloud and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"You're overreacting." He remarked

"Just drive before I change my mind." She moaned, burying her head in his shoulder.

* * *

Her name was CJ. No one knew what the C and J stood for, she never told them. She introduced herself as CJ Palmer. She was a friend of Yuffie's that they'd met when passing through Wutai about two years ago, before the meteor. She was sixteen then. She didn't say much about her past, only that she's originally lived in Rocket Town, but left when she was twelve. As far as they knew, she was a runaway. She either didn't have parents or didn't want them to find her and she wasn't used to staying in one place for a long time. The only reason she stayed in Wutai was Yuffie. After Yuffie ran away, she decided to stick around until she came back. She didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. They didn't see her again until after the meteor. Yuffie brought her back to Midgar and she stayed with them for a year before leaving. She didn't say why or where she was going, the only thing they knew for sure was that she didn't go back to Wutai, they checked. Then a week ago, unexpectedly, she called Seventh Heaven and told them she was coming back, again, without giving a reason. No one asked where she'd been or why she decided to come back, they knew better than to think they'd get an answer. Tifa simply said she'd send Cloud to pick her up and the rest, as they say, is history.

* * *

She refused to stay at Seventh Heaven. She said she already made reservations at a motel a few blocks away. She told Tifa that it was because she didn't want to inconvenience her, but Tifa knew it was more because of _him_. She knew that _he_ would sometimes come into the bar unexpected, and she wanted to delay _him_ finding out that she'd come back…and she'd rather him not know where she was staying. Tifa watched as she chatted amiably with Yuffie and sighed.

"_Why did he have to be so __stupid__?"_

* * *

Why? That question plagued her since she left. She lay awake in her motel room pondering the most obvious question, why had she left? She was so damn _tired_ of running, so why did she leave? Because of a _guy_? Since when did she run for something so insignificant as a _guy_? That one year she spent with them in Midgar, she'd felt safe. She didn't feel the need to constantly look over her shoulder. She didn't have a duffel bag packed in case she had to bolt. She didn't need to sleep with a butcher knife under her pillow because she was so damn paranoid. It was like night and day. She saw some of her old self, creeping back into her eyes and she didn't have to shy away from mirrors because she didn't recognize her own reflection. The nightmares were the only things that remained unchanged. They were always the same. Ironically, that's how she met _him_. She woke up one night in a cold sweat, and there he was, sitting in the chair next to her bed looking concerned. He told her he had nightmares too. That's how it all began. And, honestly? If she could do it all over again? She wouldn't change a damn thing.

* * *

They always started the same way. The nightmares. She was running. Her lungs burned, her legs ached, but she ran as fast as she could every night, even though she knew she wouldn't get away. She was pulled back, roughly and forced down to the ground. She barely felt the blow to the head, she was used to it. She could feel herself being dragged…and then she was falling. She hit the water hard, but she barley had time to register the pain before she was pushed under the surface and held there. To this day, she can't go near the water. Drowning is her biggest fear. She thrashed wildly but to no avail. Darkness began to sink in. Just as her body almost gives up fighting, there's a muffled gunshot from above the water. Then she wakes up. She knows his nightmares are worse, filled with sharp tools that cut through flesh, injections that burn through blood, and the taunting of the man that took everything away. She knows she has no right to complain, but she's selfish in that way. Besides, he stays with her when she's scared. That's all she really wants, is for him to stay.

* * *

He knows she's avoiding him. He doesn't blame her. He wishes she could see - that he could _make_ her see - that this is for the best. When he first met her, he pitied her. Such a young girl, only sixteen, and already so far gone. And then she wasn't. He marveled at the way she'd bounced back after staying with them for that year. How most of the darkness and depression had faded from her eyes in a few months. He couldn't help but envy her for being able to let go of the past. It's something he wished he could do, but didn't have the luxury of doing. He didn't _deserve_ to let go. He knew about her nightmares. His blood boiled every time he heard her strangled cries in the middle of the night and he wanted nothing more than to find the bastard who did this to her and but a bullet in his brain. He told her about his nightmares too. It was ironic, really, that the two who were so secretive about their pasts were so willing to share with one another. They formed a sort of bond, an understanding that no one else could comprehend simply because they weren't haunted as the two of them were. She told him she was shattered, and she could never put herself back together again because she was missing too many pieces. He told her he was shattered too, only he didn't have any pieces left at all.

* * *

She's pacing again. In the three weeks she's been back in Midgar, she hasn't seen a trace of him, but he still has her pacing. She wants to know if he's okay…or as okay as he can possibly be being him. She knows that if he's not, if he'd drawn even further into himself since she left, that it's her fault. She knew he'd been worried about her, Tifa said as much, but God dammit if he was so worried, why would he do what he did? He knew she was a runner. As soon as things got overwhelming, she would run and run and run until she was far enough away. In reality, she knew she'd never get far enough away. Her problems and past were a part of her, and everyone knows you can't run away from yourself.

* * *

Somewhere in that year, he'd fallen in lover with her. He told himself it was wrong. She was sixteen and even though he _looked_ twenty-seven, in reality, he was old enough to be her father. But, She understood him. She knew what it was like to have to live with demons every day and not be able to get rid of them no matter how hard one tried. He could never be with her though. If not because of the age difference, then because of what he was. He was a monster. A freak. A mutant. She deserved so much more than him, and he told her so. She disagreed, saying she'd been with someone who was considered "good enough" for her and he tried to drown her in a swimming pool. She said she didn't care about what he was. He told her she should. She kissed him. He didn't stop her.

* * *

She wished it had been a bad reason. She wished he told her that he couldn't be with her because he was still in love with Lucrecia. That he didn't want damaged goods. That he just didn't like her that way anymore. Something that she could hate him for. It would be so much easier if she could just hate him. But she couldn't. Because the reason he couldn't be with her was that she meant too much to him. That he wouldn't risk hurting her. He wouldn't give Chaos or Hojo the satisfaction of knowing that they'd taken something else away from him. She knew he didn't thin she'd leave. But she did. After two weeks of him avoiding her, she packed the familiar duffel bag and left without saying goodbye. She regretted it every day since.

* * *

He made his way through Shinra Mansion to the door, wondering who would be calling this late at night…or early in the morning since it was after midnight. He opened the door and she stormed in, throwing her bag unceremoniously on the floor and turning to face him with wild, desperate eyes.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend that you don't exist. It's driving me crazy."

Vincent closed the door and gazed out the window next to it.

"I'm sorry."

"Are you? Are you really? Because part of feels like your getting some sort of sick enjoyment out of this. Do you enjoy making girls cry, Vincent? Do you?"

"I've told you my reasons."

"And I've told you I don't care."

He whipped around to face her, his face angry.

"You should care. I'm a monster, CJ."

"You're not."

"I've killed people."

"So have I."

It was obvious that she wasn't going to give in any time soon. Vincent sighed as his head began to pound.

"Why?" He asked softly

"Why what?"

"Why can't you just respect my wishes?"

"Because I love you, you stupid bastard!" She cried, tears welling in her eyes and threatening to overflow. "And if you can look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me, I swear I'll leave right now and I'll never come back."

He's turned away from her again and he doesn't say anything. The only sound is the ticking of the clock in the background. After five minutes of silence, she scoffs and starts for the door. As she reaches for her bag, he grabs her wrist.

"Stay here. It's late."

He doesn't give her time to protest as he pulls her towards the stairs and shows her to a room. He gives her clothes to sleep in and waits while she changes in the bathroom. He heads for the door as she climbs into bed and no words are exchanged

* * *

He's woken up by a bloodcurdling scream that comes from her room. He's never moved faster in his life as he races down the hall and nearly rips the door off the hinges. She's thrashing on the bed in the midst of a nightmare, eyes screwed shut and tears running down her face like they had earlier. There's nothing he can do but wait until she wakes up. Touching her in any way could make it worse. Finally, her eyes snap open and meet his. She sits up slowly and he wordlessly wraps his arms around her. As she begins to fall asleep again, he tries to leave.

"Stay? Please?" Her voice is small and faint.

He hesitates, but walks back to the bed and lies down next to her. Before he can change his mind, he presses a kiss to her forehead.

"I do…love you."

Although she's already asleep, he swears he see's her smile. He knows he's going to hell for this...if he can ever figure out a way to die. He knows he'll never forgive himself. But he also knows that they've come to rely on each other, and as dangerous as that is for the both of them, it can't be helped. They're meant to save each other from themselves. There's no use fighting it anymore. They're meant to be each other's saving grace.


End file.
